I have a decision to make. All of the little decisions are getting tied up in the web of this one big one. Should I stay or should I go, and if so, when. . . I am going to approach this decision the way I approach shopping. I go into a store - pick up absolutely everything I want and then don't even look at the price tags. I pretend it is a shopping spree! Then I go into the change room, try it all on, and end up liking one or two things and then think about or decide on whether I can afford it. This lets me have fun while shopping and then, by the time I have gotten down to making the tough decision, I have gotten the fun part out of my system and don't confuse that part with the spending money part. . .
So, if I were going to stay in New York permanently what would I do?
1. Start some sort of business that would allow me to expand my network of actors and get me free classes. (Funny - I've already started doing that)
2. Find a writing buddy and schedule time to write.
3. Go home, pack up my room and get ready to move back. Spend the summer in Toronto and work like crazy - only do paid work in Toronto.
Well that is reassuring. I guess I was getting confused because I just don't want to leave. Well - you know what they say - absence makes the heart grow fonder! Also, what's that saying - if you love someone set them free and if it's meant to be they will come back to you. Well New York I am planning to let go of you sometime soon- I just don't know when yet. ;)
It's been a great month so far. Thanks to my new Canuck friend Daniel - I now have a place in Brooklyn and will soon have a bed to sleep on in it. I have done three shoots so far this month (two have been in Brooklyn and I am slowly falling for her) and I have three more to go before April is over.
I am performing in a comedy sketch show directed by the son of Roger Bowen - co-founder of The Second City - this Friday and Saturday at the 45th street theater. I really like sketch! Improv is great, but sketch is about really taking your time to develop the true art of comedy performance. I hope it goes well! It is pretty racy subject matter, but I am very comfortable with it - surprisingly.
My biggest problem , as I mentioned has been how much longer I should stay for. I really don't want to go back to Toronto at all. I would say I miss my friends and would love to see them, but they keep showing up here so I haven't had time to really miss anyone :-) (I have had a visitor every week-end except for one since I've been here). I know I need to go home to sort out my apartment and figure out how I can stay here permanently and legally. I also know that if I go home there is a good chance I will get some work while there that will help support this effort of mine to go home. (I wrote that by accident - I meant to write come back to New York, but I wrote go home instead. I really feel like I am home. This place brings me so much joy. Yes, I have moments when I feel lonely, and miss things about Toronto, but I am surrounded by people who are so talented and who are pushing me to be better. That is what I don't want to leave).
If I were to analyze what I have learned here it would be that I have let go of so many things. I am much better at not needing to control everything. I am really recognizing where I am not allowing the flow of life to help me. It is much easier to recognize here because if you are not in harmony with the flow of life in New York then you get run over, slammed into or you fall on your face. It is very much like learning a sport - you throw yourself full on into something physically and then you get up and do it again until it has been mastered. The physical pace of New York brings out the athlete in me. Just got to remember to warm up and stretch out.
I have also learned that I am funny and feel like maybe I could get somewhere with my comedic skills. I am living on my hope and looking for collaborators. I think I am starting to find them - I met a stupidly funny guy on a shoot this week-end who played my husband. He has just written a book on long-form improv. We were doing a three camera sitcom shoot of one of the scenes from the Donna Reed show. We did a whole bunch of takes and then, on our last take, we decided to improvise. Things went up people's noses, and bananas were used for emphasis. It was all very un-1950's sitcom-y, and I was laughing so hard in spots that my face hurt. I am looking forward to seeing how it looks in black and white. He and I and Dan the Man have some secret plans for some Subway Performance Art that I will share with you on youtube once I get the guts to actually do it. . . stay tuned people.
Have a joyous day!